unavoidable

Since I was a child, I used to shed my tears the most, whenever I commit something wrong, when I was eating. I don’t really know which one was sad: the eating, or the guilt I was feeling. So I found a way through by imagining that nothing had happened. That was how I could gradually forget for what I was in such situations. I felt good, not for I believed I was good. On the contrary, I just imagined that. That was fortune I guess, that I could live my spirit entirely on my imagination…

And now, that is why, I believe, I can’t remember the feelings, thoughts when I look back in me, some time ago. I don’t remember myself. Some vague, hazy, shadow like pictures, surrounded in some sort of greasy mist, reflecting some images belonging to people I used to know, like, love… So I won’t remember the world, as it was used to look, for me for I won’t remember me. That’s quite scary. And sad too…
I should start to write a diary...